How do Miao men pursue women?

Who are the Miao?

The Miao is a minortiy group residing in the mountainous southern and southwestern China. People also call them Hmong. The Miao are well known for their extraordinary handmade arts and crafts like embroidery, brocade, batik, and unique silver jewelry.

During holidays, the Miao would like to get together singing and dancing to express their happiness. For young people, holidays are golden time to look for their partners.

Flirting

If a man shows interest in a girl, he will follow her and may suddenly give her finger a gentle pinch. If the girl likes the man, she will smile at him as a sign of agreement; but if the girls doesn’t like, she will just ignore him.

Some men may dally with girls by “requesting for candy.” He’ll ask a girl for some candy, and if she doesn’t like him, she will say, “my candy is all sold out, you can go to somewhere else to ask.” But if the girl likes the man, she would suggest, “ now follow me.” Then she gets away. Following her, the man goes to the riverside or woods to have a chat together.

Dating

When going on a date, Miao lovers have their own signs to indicate the place and time to meet. The one who reaches there first will make a knot using a patch of grass and leave a sign to tell the other the right place to meet.

Each particular sign indicates something. A bee braided by couch grass signifies: I am now waiting here, will you come or not? A dragonfly shaped by a vanilla plant suggests: please come to the same place as soon as possible, and I will see you there! A grasshopper means: sorry, I can’t come to meet you. A white flower pleated with grass signifies: I won’t see you anymore because you have never kept an appointment.

When another one reaches there, she/will use the same bundle of grass to make a second knot meaning “don’t bother us”.

After meeting a few times, the couple will exchange some of their private things as a keepsake. The man gives his waistband or tobacco pipe to the girl, while the girl gives the man her silver rings,  hair pin,  or a pair of embroidered shoes.

Marriage

When a Miao couple decides to get married, they will tell their parents, who then ask a matchmaker to fix the wedding date.

Sometimes an interesting thing will happen if the parents don’t agree. The man will bring some people to the girl’s home in the late evening to “force” her to go to his home. Three days later, the man’s family will send an old respectable family member with a chicken to inform the girl’s parents, and ask them to agree.

On their wedding day, people burn a big fire at the gate of the man’s home to wish the couple will have a happy marriage life. In the evening, a choril with both family members will sing songs together for long hours until the next morning.

The songs tell how the couple met and got to know each other, something about their parents, grandparents, and great-grand parents. They will also tell the stories about their ancestors who moved around China throughout history.

The bride and the groom are busy with preparing the sweet rice wine for their guests during the whole night.

In some Miao areas, married women are prohibited from coming back to their parents’ home until they have a child.

I’m C. Liu and I have been studying interesting Miao culture for many years. I even have a website with some of the most beautiful examples of Miao silver jewelry available here. The best silver jewelry is produced in Miao areas: such pure silver can be hardly got in your local markets, and their workmanship is unmatchable.